Raising kids is a wild ride—equal parts heart-melting and head-scratching. One minute you’re their hero, the next you’re chopped liver because the other parent cut their sandwich just right.
Parent preference (where one parent is preferred over the other) is one of those parenting curveballs no one warns you about. And let's be honest—it can lead to a lot of complex feelings (like a lot).
If you’ve ever experienced parental preference, you know how gut-wrenching it can be. You’ve probably wondered: Is it normal for a child to prefer one parent? How long does parental preference last? Why does my child prefer one parent over the other?
But just breathe—you’re not alone, and you’re definitely not doing anything wrong. In this article, we’ll break down why kids sometimes pick sides, how long it tends to last, and what to do when you're not the chosen one.
When Your Kid Picks a Favorite Parent—And It’s Not You
Everyone likes feeling special (cue montage of getting picked first for kickball). But when you’re the odd man out, the sting of rejection can feel especially, well, “stingy”. If you've ever felt rejected by your own kid, then you understand just how deep this feeling can go. But let’s step off the emotional roller coaster for a sec and put these feelings into perspective.
Kids change their preferences all the time—one day you’re listening to every fact you never wanted to know about dinosaurs, and the next it’s "dinosaurs (ugh!), that’s for babies,” and sharks are all the rage. The choices kids make can seem completely random and arbitrary. But that’s kind of the point we’re getting at—whether it lasts for an afternoon or a season, favoritism toward one parent is usually just a phase.
As Poppins expert Dr. Chloe Massey advises, “as hard as it can be to feel rejected by your child, it’s important to remember that young kids often show strong preferences as a way of testing limits and exploring independence. Parental preference isn’t a reflection of your worth as a parent—it’s a normal (and temporary!) part of development. The best thing you can do is stay steady, stay present, and remind yourself: this is a phase, not a forever.”
Why Do Kids Prefer One Parent? The Psychology Behind It
There are many reasons why kids show preference for one parent over another. Spoiler: it’s not because one of you is better at making mac and cheese (though, hey, it doesn’t hurt). Things like time spent, proximity, and routine often play a big role.
Here’s a breakdown of the most influential factors impacting parental preference:
- Comfort and routine: Kids tend to build the strongest bond with the parent they spend the most time with. But this dynamic can go the other way too—if kids have less time with one parent, they may give that parent the VIP treatment simply because their time with that parent is rarer.
- Developmental phases: Today’s “I only want mommy to put me to bed!” can become tomorrow’s “Daddy is the best!” Age, gender, and emotional needs all play into which parent they vibe with best. And it's common for favorites to switch as kids grow.
- Parenting styles: How you parent matters. Different parenting attitudes, approaches, and behaviors all shape how your kid connects with you.
- Parental availability: Sometimes it’s just logistics. For kids, reliability and routine = comfort and safety. More consistent and calm one-on-one time strengthens bonds.
- Emotional safety: Kids gravitate toward parents that makes them feel seen, heard, and accepted. So build an environment that values communication and vulnerability.
What to Do When Your Child Prefers Your Partner Over You
So you’re not this week’s favorite parent? Don’t panic just yet. It’s not personal (and not permanent). Take a deep breath and read on.
How To Respond
If you’re experiencing favoritism in your home, things might feel a bit, well, awkward. But here are a few tips for how to navigate this tricky situation:
If you’re not the favorite: First, don’t freak out. Remember—it’s a temporary phase. The key is to stay patient and stay close. Your kid’s feelings are real—but they’re also fluid. Validate them (“You really wanted Dad to do it tonight, huh?”), then move forward with calm confidence. No groveling. No guilt-tripping. Just gentle consistency and a willingness to connect, even when the vibes are a little off.
If you are the favorite: Congrats—you get the clinging, the crying, and the constant requests. Use that influence wisely. Talk positively about your partner, invite them into playtime, make sure that your partner and child have designated time without you, and model that both parents are safe, loving, and totally capable of zipping a jacket.
How To Cope
Let’s face it—feeling like a second-stringer to your own kid doesn’t feel good. So here are some tips to help you stay grounded and navigate the moment:
- Don’t take it personally: Easier said than done, but also extremely important. While favoritism feels like rejection, it's rarely that straightforward. Remember: it doesn’t mean you’ve done something wrong, and it doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent—it’s just a phase.
- Stay engaged and keep parenting: If you're not feeling valued by your kids, it's easy to tap out. While there's nothing wrong with taking a short break, remember to stay close and communicate.
- Create special one-on-one time: Spending valuable time with your kid can give your bond a quick refresh. So instead of following your usual routine, consider swapping in a memorable moment instead—dance party in the kitchen, one-on-one adventure, a special craft, or a “secret” snack.
Still need a boost? Let’s give those negative thoughts a reality check.
Parent preference can sting, but it’s not a verdict on your worth—it’s a passing phase in a much longer story. Stay steady, stay close, and keep showing up. That’s what sticks.
What If My Child Only Wants Mom/Dad?
If you’re dealing with a persistent favoritism problem, don’t try to fix it solo. Favoritism is a family dynamic, which means it’s best to tackle it as a team. If bedtime becomes a nightly meltdown because your child only wants one parent, it’s time to set a clear boundary: you take turns. No bargaining, no switching based on mood, no “but I just want Dad!” Give your child consistency and predictability—and stick to it, even if it’s bumpy at first.
“Kids thrive on routine, especially at bedtime,” explains Dr. Chloe, “One of my favorite strategies is to alternate which parent does bedtime each night. For younger kids, a visual can make this feel predictable and safe—something as simple as a photo of Mom or Dad on the fridge to show who’s ‘on duty’ that night. This small step can take the power struggle out of nighttime and, with consistency, turn it into a comforting rhythm.”
Your partner can support you by holding the line too. That might mean a gentle handoff (“It’s Mom’s turn tonight—let’s pick a story together”) or stepping out of the spotlight for a bit so your bond with your child has room to breathe.
Favoritism often fades when kids learn they can trust both parents to show up, stay calm, and love them through the big feelings. So yes, hold the boundary—but do it with warmth, patience, and a healthy dose of “We’re in this together.”
Final Thoughts: Building a Healthy Parent-Child Relationship—No Favorites Needed
Anyone who's been a parent knows how favoritism can shift over time. Not only is it completely normal, it's also potentially healthy. Whether your kids are babies, teenagers, or somewhere in between, if you’re experiencing parental favoritism in your home, just breathe—focus on connection and the phase will soon pass.
And if you ever need backup? Poppins is here for you. Our team of pediatric experts and parent coaches can help you decode the tricky moments and build stronger family dynamics—without Google spirals or second-guessing. Head to the link in our bio to join the waitlist and get support that’s smart, personalized, and always judgment-free.
