Written by: Jenn Schoen, Certified Pediatric Sleep Consultant
One of the biggest fears parents have about sleep training is the idea of “cry it out.” Many imagine leaving their baby alone for long stretches, crying without comfort—a scenario no loving parent wants to consider. The truth is that sleep training is a spectrum of approaches that ranges from gentle to firm methods, and most approaches involve parental support, gentle reassurance, and thoughtful responsiveness.
If you're considering sleep training but feel uneasy about crying, you're not alone—and you don’t have to choose a method that feels misaligned with your values. This guide breaks down what “cry it out” actually is, how it differs from other sleep training approaches, and why sleep training doesn’t have to mean leaving your baby to cry without comfort.
What “Cry It Out” Actually Means
The term “cry it out” is often used to describe any crying during sleep training, but that’s not accurate. In sleep training, “cry it out” refers to a specific sleep training technique where:
- The child is put down awake fed and in a safe sleep environment
- Parents leave and do not return until morning unless there are safety concerns
- The baby learns to fall asleep independently without parental intervention
While this method is fast and effective for some families, it is far from the only way to sleep train—and most parents prefer gentler options.
Sleep Training Is a Spectrum, Not a Single Method
Sleep training includes a wide range of approaches, from very gradual and low-cry to firm and highly structured. Every method is evidence-based and teaches babies how to fall asleep on their own, but the level of parental involvement varies.
Here’s a breakdown of the main categories:
1. Gentle (“No Tears”) Sleep Training Methods
These approaches emphasize connection, physical presence, and slow change.
- Parents stay nearby—sometimes right next to the crib
- Soothing through voice, touch, or occasional pick-ups
- Crying is typically minimal due to the high degree of parental comforting
- Progress typically happens gradually over two weeks (but every baby is different!)
Examples of gentle sleep training methods include: Shush/Pat, Pick-Up/Put-Down, Gentle Elimination Method. These methods are often best for families who want minimal crying, prefer a hands-on, supportive transition, and can commit to using the method consistently for two weeks or more, as needed.
2. Intermediate Sleep Training Methods
These approaches strike a balance between allowing your child to independently practice falling asleep and parental reassurance. Under these methods:
- Parents remain present in or near the room, offering comfort that gradually decreases over time
- Reassurance is provided through brief soothing or structured check-ins
- Crying may occur as babies adjust, but support is always available and parents do not disappear entirely
- These methods are highly customizable based on the parent’s preferences, child’s age, and child’s temperament
- Most families see progress within 1–2 weeks, depending on the method
Examples of intermediate sleep training methods include: Chair In Room, Camping Out, and Quick Checks. These methods are often best for families who want faster progress but still want to offer consistent reassurance.
3. Firm Sleep Training Methods
Firm sleep training methods offer the fastest results, but typically come with more tears. Under these methods:
- Babies are given extended opportunities to fall asleep on their own, which gives them more time to “practice” their independent sleep skills
- Parental involvement is limited and predictable
- Crying is expected
- Many families see progress within 3–7 nights, depending on the method
Examples of firm sleep training methods include: Ferber Method, and Full Extinction (aka “Cry It Our). These methods are best for families who prefer fast results and feel comfortable with a more independent approach.
Will There Be Tears During Sleep Training?
Yes—some crying is expected during sleep training. But here’s what’s important to remember: babies use crying as a form of communication. In sleep training, crying is most often used to:
- Communicate frustration
- Express confusion about a change
- Protest a new boundary
- Adjust to a new way of falling asleep
During sleep training, your child is fed, safe, and cared for. And what’s even more reassuring? There is no evidence that sleep training harms emotional health, attachment, or long-term development.
In fact, research shows:
- No differences in emotional well-being or attachment between sleep-trained and non-sleep-trained children (Price et al., 2012).
- No long-term stress or cortisol elevation associated with sleep training (Gradisar et al., 2016).
- Improved parental mood and reduced maternal depression in families that sleep train (Hiscock et al., 2007).
Bottom line: A well-rested baby—and well-rested parents—tend to interact more positively, connect more deeply, and regulate emotions more easily.
Do I Have to Choose Cry It Out?
Absolutely not.
Cry It Out is not required for sleep training and not recommended for every family. Most families use gentle or intermediate methods that minimize crying while still teaching independent sleep skills.
At Poppins, we only recommend Cry It Out to families facing very specific situations—such as when parental presence increases the child’s distress, when gentler methods have already been tried and failed, and when family wellbeing or the child’s development is suffering due to poor sleep.
If Full Extinction doesn’t align with your comfort level or parenting style, you never need to choose it.
How to Choose an Approach That Feels Right
When deciding what method to use, consider:
- Your baby’s age and temperament
- Your comfort with crying
- Your desire for speed vs. gradual change
- Your ability to stay consistent
- What soothes or overstimulates your baby
- Any medical or developmental considerations
There is no “right” method—only the method that works best for your family. At Poppins, our certified pediatric sleep consultants can work with you to determine the best fit for you and your baby.
FAQ: Will Sleep Training Mean Letting My Baby Cry It Out?
Can I Sleep Train Without Any Crying?
It is very unusual to sleep train without any tears. While some babies adapt with very little crying, especially with gentle methods, complete tear-free sleep training is uncommon because change naturally brings protest.
Will Crying Harm My Baby?
No. Research shows no long-term harm, no attachment issues, and no elevated stress patterns associated with sleep training.
Is “Cry It Out” the Most Effective Method?
While Cry It Out is typically the fastest method, the most effective method is the one that best fits your goals, your preferences as a parent, and your baby’s age and temperament.
How Long Will My Baby Cry During Sleep Training?
The amount of crying is unique to every baby, and it tends to vary by your baby’s age and temperament.
Is It Normal to Feel Emotional About Sleep Training?
Absolutely! Supporting your baby through change is hard, and it’s okay to feel conflicted. What matters most is choosing an approach that feels aligned with your values, and a sleep coach who can support you through the process.
Want Sleep Training Support Without “CIO”? Poppins Can Help
If you're worried about crying or unsure which sleep training method is right for your family, Poppins offers personalized support every step of the way. Our experts help you choose an approach that matches your comfort level and your baby’s age and temperament—whether gentle, intermediate, or firm.
With Poppins, you get:
- Customized sleep plans
- Real-time support during tough nights
- Compassionate guidance that honors your parenting values
